{"id":3296,"date":"2023-12-14T02:51:00","date_gmt":"2023-12-14T02:51:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/survivingmypastbecauseofmyfuture.com\/?p=3296"},"modified":"2025-03-26T02:55:23","modified_gmt":"2025-03-26T02:55:23","slug":"joy-isnt-a-one-size-fits-all","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/survivingmypastbecauseofmyfuture.com\/?p=3296","title":{"rendered":"Joy Isn’t a One-size Fits All"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"\/<\/figure>\n\n\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n

When your heart has been broken or even crushed, it\u2019s hard to think about surviving a joyous holiday season.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

At\u00a0 times, you may feel shamed by friends and family because you aren\u2019t acting as joyful as they feel you <\/span><\/p>\n

should.\u00a0 After all, Christmas is such a beautiful time of the year.\u00a0 Surely the twinkling lights, glowing candles, <\/span><\/p>\n

shimmering trees, and sparkling decorations are enough to put you in the holiday spirit and fill you with joy, right?\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

Or what about the gatherings and time spent with loved ones?\u00a0 Aren\u2019t they the epitome of where joy abounds?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

Trying to act joyful under pressure is nearly impossible when life as you knew it was demolished in the blink of <\/span><\/p>\n

an eye by a wrecking ball.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

Trouble starts with how people define joy.\u00a0 Most equate joy with happiness-fun, smiles, excitement, or a<\/span><\/p>\n

warm-fuzzy <\/span>feeling.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

In this case, joy (happiness) often results from things such as the purchase of a new car or boat, a championship<\/span><\/p>\n

victory of a beloved sports team, the excitement of a long-awaited\u00a0 promotion, a new marriage, or even the<\/span><\/p>\n

birth of a beautiful baby.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

The problem arises in that these things are all susceptible to loss. Cars and boats get old and quit working.\u00a0 Teams trade players and lose their winning streaks.\u00a0 Companies downsize and cut employees.\u00a0 Marriages often fail.\u00a0 Tragically, children can undergo horrible illnesses or even heartbreaking deaths.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

These dreadful events that happen in a broken world weaken and, in many cases, obliterate our joy (happiness).<\/span><\/p>\n

I recently heard Elisabeth Elliot, a former missionary who suffered greatly in life, say, “Joy is not the absence of pain. It’s the presence of God.”\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

Another description came from Kay Warren\u2019s book, <\/span>Choose Joy, <\/span>which states, \u201cJoy is the settled assurance<\/span><\/p>\n

that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet <\/span> confidence that ultimately everything is going to be<\/span><\/p>\n

all right, and the determined choice to praise God in all things.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

Neither of these definitions includes the emotions of happiness or delight.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/div>\n

\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

But they do both, indeed, have everything to do with the acknowledgement of and trust in a God who loves us <\/span><\/p>\n

more than we can imagine.\u00a0 A steadfast God who remains in control even amidst the strongest storms that leave<\/span><\/p>\n

us buried in rubble.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

Happiness, gladness, and delight are based on circumstances that risk destruction or loss at any given moment,<\/span><\/p>\n

while joy is rooted in our Savior who promises to walk with us, guide us, strengthen us, and comfort us.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

A book I was reading recently invited me to consider a time when I felt great joy.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

Initially, I bristled.\u00a0 <\/span>Well, it was definitely BEFORE Dalton went to Heaven.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/div>\n

\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

If I apply the <\/span>feeling of happiness <\/span>version, then permeating joy only existed while Dalton was still on earth.\u00a0 I <\/span><\/p>\n

experience moments and occasions that make me <\/span>feel happy. <\/span>\u00a0 Like when a <\/span><\/p>\n

former student told me he wishes he was back in kindergarten so I could be his teacher again.\u00a0 Or when our<\/span><\/p>\n

daughter got accepted into pharmacy school after showing persistence and determination.\u00a0 And when a friend<\/span><\/p>\n

let me know my blog post encouraged her in a struggle she was facing.\u00a0 These things make me feel happy.\u00a0 But,<\/span><\/p>\n

at the same time, I\u2019m not happy about living without my son who had so much life ahead of him.\u00a0 And the fact <\/span><\/p>\n

that I have to endure my fourth Christmas as a bereaved parent definitely doesn\u2019t elicit a warm, fuzzy feeling.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

Elisabeth Elliot\u2019s description of joy echoed in my ears. <\/span>Joy is the presence of God<\/span>.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

My mind chewed on this for a bit again.\u00a0 Describe a time of great joy in your life: <\/span>Definitely the days, months,<\/span><\/p>\n

and years following Dalton\u2019s relocation to Heaven<\/span>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

What?\u00a0 How can that be?\u00a0 Why am I labeling the most horrific portion of my life as the most joyous?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This can\u2019t be possible. Isn\u2019t the most joyous title set aside for the holiday season and all of its wonder <\/span><\/p>\n

and beauty?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/a><\/div>\n

\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

Technically,\u00a0 the wonder and beauty of the holiday season arrived with Christ\u2019s birth on the very first Christmas,<\/span><\/p>\n

long before gingerbread houses, icicle lights, pre-lit garland, and stockings hanging on the mantle.\u00a0 <\/span>God\u2019s <\/span><\/p>\n

presence <\/span>was made real to mankind when Jesus was placed in a manger.\u00a0 And all these thousands of years<\/span><\/p>\n

later, He is still present.\u00a0 Now\u2026..with me\u2026\u2026as I walk through deep loss.\u00a0 He promises to be close to me<\/span><\/p>\n

and never leave me (Psalm 34:18).\u00a0 A promise He hasn\u2019t broken.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

The song, \u201cJoy to the World,\u201d doesn\u2019t mean Jesus came to deliver happiness to the world. Although, our <\/span><\/p>\n

Heavenly Father does delight in seeing His children happy just as we, as earthly parents, do for our children.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Instead, the song means the world has joy because the <\/span>Lord is come. <\/span>He is here.\u00a0 In our presence. With us.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

God sent the Messiah to live amongst mankind, rescue us from our <\/span>sins on the cross, and then leave the Holy<\/span><\/p>\n

Spirit to dwell in us.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

<\/a><\/div>\n

\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

If you\u2019re suffering devastating heartache and find it hard to feel joyful this holiday season, be encouraged.\u00a0 It\u2019s<\/span><\/p>\n

possible to experience joy even amid the sorrow.\u00a0 As we suffer, our need for God\u2019s presence intensifies.\u00a0 If <\/span><\/p>\n

we are willing, our sorrow propels us towards deeper joy (the presence of God).\u00a0 I certainly need more of Him<\/span><\/p>\n

as I learn to live without Dalton.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

Our joy may not include smiling and laughing at get-togethers.\u00a0 Sending Christmas cards telling everyone all of<\/span><\/p>\n

the amazing things that happened in our family throughout the year.\u00a0 Mustering up the emotional energy to<\/span><\/p>\n

decorate a Christmas tree.\u00a0 Or decorating elaborate cookies and happily delivering them to friends.<\/span><\/p>\n

Our joy will look different from everyone else\u2019s.\u00a0 <\/span>We may not always wear a smile and appear to be having fun.\u00a0 In fact, our joy may even include tears because we are in awe of our faithful Father who carries us every step. <\/span>And that\u2019s okay.\u00a0 Because our joy is exactly what we need to carry us through the emotionally heavy holiday season\u2026.\u2026the presence of God.\u00a0 <\/span>And He is a perfect, steadfast source of joy that never runs out.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/a><\/div>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0 When your heart has been broken or even crushed, it\u2019s hard to think about surviving a joyous holiday season.\u00a0 At\u00a0 times, you may feel shamed by friends and family because you aren\u2019t acting as joyful as they feel you should.\u00a0 After all, Christmas is such a beautiful time of the year.\u00a0 Surely the twinkling […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3366,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[21,19,16,18,14,23,22,20,17],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3296","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-child-loss","category-child-loss-to-suicide","category-christian","category-faith","category-grief-and-faith","category-grieving-a-suicide","category-losing-a-child","category-suffering","category-surviving-a-suicide"],"blocksy_meta":[],"featured_image_src":"https:\/\/survivingmypastbecauseofmyfuture.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/12\/One-Size-600x400.webp","featured_image_src_square":"https:\/\/survivingmypastbecauseofmyfuture.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/12\/One-Size-600x533.webp","author_info":{"display_name":"survivingmypas","author_link":"https:\/\/survivingmypastbecauseofmyfuture.com\/?author=1"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/survivingmypastbecauseofmyfuture.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3296","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/survivingmypastbecauseofmyfuture.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/survivingmypastbecauseofmyfuture.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/survivingmypastbecauseofmyfuture.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/survivingmypastbecauseofmyfuture.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3296"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/survivingmypastbecauseofmyfuture.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3296\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/survivingmypastbecauseofmyfuture.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/3366"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/survivingmypastbecauseofmyfuture.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3296"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/survivingmypastbecauseofmyfuture.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3296"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/survivingmypastbecauseofmyfuture.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3296"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}