{"id":3303,"date":"2023-06-25T14:11:00","date_gmt":"2023-06-25T14:11:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/survivingmypastbecauseofmyfuture.com\/?p=3303"},"modified":"2024-10-06T18:55:16","modified_gmt":"2024-10-06T18:55:16","slug":"when-god-says-no","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/survivingmypastbecauseofmyfuture.com\/?p=3303","title":{"rendered":"When God Says No"},"content":{"rendered":"
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As parents, we tell our kids <\/span>no<\/span> or <\/span>not right now<\/span> a lot.<\/span><\/p>\n

Can we go to the movies tonight?<\/span><\/p>\n

Can I buy this toy?<\/span><\/p>\n

Can my friend spend the night?<\/span><\/p>\n

Can we get another dog?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

There are endless reasons why parents have to say no.\u00a0 In some cases, the parent is able to give a specific, logical reason.\u00a0 In other cases, the reason is left unexplained, leaving the child irritated or even angry.<\/span><\/p>\n

Consider a newly licensed teenager who wants to take a long road trip with several friends in the car.\u00a0 Fear wells up in the parents causing them to refute the child\u2019s plan.\u00a0 The parents know this is not a responsible option as it presents loads of liability on their adolescent who just gained newfound independence with a vehicle.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

However, the 16-year-old views the situation from the perspective that he is legally able to travel wherever he desires.\u00a0 The law says he is competent and the denied request is unfair.\u00a0 How could you tell me no?\u00a0 This makes no sense!\u00a0 No matter how much explaining the parents offer, the teenager is left questioning such an unjust decision.<\/span><\/p>\n

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When my 15-year-old son unexpectedly and without any warning signs ended his own life in May of 2020, hundreds of questions instantly ravaged my mind.\u00a0 Three years later, nearly every single question lingers.<\/p>\n

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Unanswered questions profoundly complicate grief.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Grief experts identify acceptance as one of the essential components when working to come to terms with deep loss.\u00a0 Yet, coming to a place of<\/span> acceptance<\/span> with never-ending <\/span>what ifs<\/span> and <\/span>I will never know\u2019s <\/span>is virtually impossible.<\/span><\/p>\n

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For the average person, the word <\/span>acceptance<\/span> is commonly misrepresented.\u00a0 We tend to attach meaning reflecting the notion that we will eventually feel \u201cokay\u201d with our new reality. Friends and family may express that you just need to accept what has happened. Yes, most of us will continue functioning in life and doing the things all humans must do.\u00a0 What other choice do we have? But like me, I imagine most parents would never feel that life is \u201cokay\u201d without their child.\u00a0 A piece of life will always be missing.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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Even though I have lived over 37 months without Dalton and acknowledge this is my reality for the rest of my days on Earth, my heart still cannot bear the weight of fully accepting my loss.<\/span><\/p>\n

However, during a conversation I had with a friend a few months ago, I began to feel some changes taking place.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I still despise my circumstances, <\/span>I told her<\/span>, and I miss Dalton more than I ever thought was possible.\u00a0 But I feel God whispering to my heart.\u00a0 Not a \u201csudden, fall-in-my-lap\u201d type of epiphany.\u00a0 Instead, one that has been very gentle, slow, and subtle.\u00a0 I hear Him saying, Lisa, I know you want Dalton there with you on Earth.\u00a0 You want to still be his mom and make memories with him. Enjoy his achievements and milestones. Watch him grow into a fine, young adult.\u00a0 That\u2019s what every parent wants, and you aren\u2019t any different.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But, for reasons I can\u2019t explain and reasons you would never be able to comprehend, the answer is no.\u00a0 That\u2019s not what I have for you right now. This is how it has to be.\u00a0 It hurts me just as much as it does you.\u00a0 Know that I do love you, and I will be with you every step of the way. I will never leave you or abandon you.\u00a0 I will sustain you with every need you have.<\/span><\/p>\n

Does this sound familiar to anything you have ever said to your children?\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It definitely echoes loudly in my ears.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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Straight acceptance<\/span> of Dalton\u2019s absence means I must surrender to the life circumstances<\/i> that I hate. Nothing will ever make sense about my son’s death. How is it possible to trust a life that feels as though it will crumble at any moment?<\/span><\/p>\n

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Yet, as I listened to God’s gentle voice, He began to help me see that unanswered questions are vastly different in His hands. There really are answers to this incomprehensible tragedy. God has every single one. They just aren’t for me right now. <\/b> That brings me closer to acceptance than I ever thought I could be. My acceptance isn’t of my shattered reality. My acceptance is in acknowledging that I can’t carry the answers to my why’s right now. So God is carrying them for me. <\/span><\/p>\n

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I have to be honest. Submitting to a God who withholds the answers I want would be inconceivable though if I knew nothing about His character. Personally discovering the life-giving attributes of God is what makes it feasible for me to trust in His Sovereignty while walking through ashes.<\/span><\/p>\n

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God is\u2026\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n