“You Don’t Know What You Have Until It’s Gone” Doesn’t Have To Be True

“You don’t know what you have until it’s gone” doesn’t have to be true.

Does it seem odd to anyone else that we wait until a person dies to notice what made them loved and appreciated?

The phrase “better late than never” certainly doesn’t apply in this situation.

When it’s impossible to maintain a physical, reciprocal relationship with an individual, our hearts naturally zoom

in on everything we loved about them but will never get to experience with them again. The rest doesn’t seem

to matter anymore.

It can even appear as though the person who died lived a “saintly life.” 

As Dalton’s family, we’re guilty of this ourselves.  And anyone who knew Dalton knows he was far from a

saint (but neither are we). 

But without him here, there is zero purpose in focusing on the parts of him that sometimes drove us crazy.The reality is, we would give anything to have ALL of Dalton back, the lovely and the not-so-lovely.

His not-so-lovely doesn’t look not-so-lovely anymore. The love for him we once touted as unconditional

wasn’t as unconditional as we thought.  Our forced separation from him enlightened us to the depth and fullness

of pure unconditional love.

The patterns of relationships we follow in life and death greatly impact the value and fulfillment of

the relationships we are presently in.

Why is it that we avoid acknowledging the things we appreciate about a person until we’re standing in front of

their grave? Really?  It takes us all of their life to pen the list of redeeming qualities they were born with?

Why, instead, do we focus on what inconveniences us and “gets on our nerves” at every little turn? What we

wish they would or wouldn’t do.  The different choices we think they should make.  How wrong they are and

how right we are.  

We are just as guilty of all of this as much as the next person. Personal experience brings the most authentic

writing topics.

Wouldn’t our interactions be more effective when speaking affirming words to loved ones on a more regular

basis?  (We’re in no way suggesting we stick our heads in the clouds to  excuse or even ignore behaviors that

truly require change.)

From our vantage point, making this simple timing change is a humble starting point.  Less complaining about

those around us and more speaking of the good in people.  

It really is okay to say nice things about people even though society disagrees. All humans were

wired to appreciate words of affirmation.  

You can know what you have before it’s gone, but sometimes you have to be intentional and willing to notice what’s right in front of you.

Start today.

Start small.  One person.  One simple message, text, or spoken word.  

You’ll be surprised at the potential that grows from there. Opportunities will spring up where you least expect

them.

Be intentional.  Tell your friend or family member what you are grateful for about them. Focus on one thing you

would miss if tomorrow never came.

Because if tomorrow never comes, your audience will become those in attendance at their funeral. 

Don’t wait for a funeral director to ask you for a list of what you loved. 

That’s when it’s too late.

And in this case, late isn’t better than never.