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For several years after our 15-yearold son, Dalton, died, my brain ruminated in disbelief, “I can’t believe what happened TO me!”
As they were designed, shock and denial worked to protect my brain from the overwhelming emotions that accompanied the traumatic loss of Dalton. The problem is that with time, they became a weapon my mind used against me. At some point, they weren’t my friend anymore. Evil flipped something helpful on its head, making it distressing instead–a common theme of this broken world.
So while it’s true that this awful tragedy DID happen TO me, it’s also true that God refuses to leave me in this dead-end.
It’s a beautifully redemptive feeling to watch how the Lord is slowly replacing the original phrase with a meaningful rival. “It’s humbling to see what God is allowing to happen THROUGH me.”
I’m the agent He is using to accomplish His purposes. All of us can be if we let Him. I’m far from extraordinary. I just beg Him and then say yes when He opens the door.
I admit the redemptive version isn’t always my first thought. Like earlier today when I watched the Dalton’s Difference video. Tears rolled down my face as “I can’t believe this happened TO me” came flooding back with no trouble at all.
Thankfully, I’ve learned enough about “replacement therapy” and bantered back, “God, use these tears to do something THROUGH me today and everyday. Make this hard life separated from Dalton count.”
I wish it didn’t have to work this way. If this didn’t happen TO me then God couldn’t work THROUGH me. Unfortunately, God can’t use me as His agent to help broken people find healing unless I know what it’s like to be broken myself.
Whatever you’re walking through, God wants to do something with your pain.
He said so.
So He will.
Annie F. Downs said it perfectly. “In God’s economy, He doesn’t sow a seed and reap a seed. He sows a seed and reaps a tree that bears fruit forever.”
That’s a God I can trust with my pain.
