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As a kid, I remember the excitement of going to an arcade to play games on special occasions such as birthdays or vacations. The thrill of the game was captivating while it lasted, usually only for a few minutes. But, sadly, the fun always ended when Game Over appeared on the screen accompanied by a disappointing wah, wah, wah.
That’s exactly what was plastered across life’s screen for a long time after Dalton went to Heaven. Game over. Life felt like it could never be meaningful again. The world zoomed past me while I lay bleeding from an artery on the side of the road. Work, school, errands, cleaning, shopping, holidays, social gatherings. Nothing stopped. Yet, life as I knew it vanished into thin air. I imagine many of you have likely experienced this exact same phenomenon.
Recently, as I read Davey Blackburn’s Pain to Purpose devotional, I came across an interesting concept that put a unique twist on a symbol commonly used amongst suicide survivors. Blackburn explained that the Enemy’s top priority during the raging storms in our lives is to destroy us, convincing us that life is game over. Done. Finished. Not worth living. This is exactly what he accomplished in Dalton’s mind on the worst day of my life transferring the same hopelessness to me, as well.
With a smile, the evil one triumphantly places a giant period at the end of our tragedies and trials.
As I read on, the ensuing aha moment brought me much Hope.
Back in 2013, the semicolon became a universal symbol of hope for individuals who struggle with suicidal thoughts. It serves as a reminder that the person’s story and life aren’t over. This is where I made the connection. The period that Satan proudly positions at the end of a tragedy is effortlessly transformed into a semicolon when God deposits a comma directly below the period, exclaiming there is more story to tell. Now the semicolon is more powerful and inclusive than ever before. It has a new identity that applies to all of God’s children in their suffering, not just those who face mental health challenges. Instead, it signifies God’s victory in our pain and sorrow. He gets the last word!
How is this possible? It’s only because of the grace and love that was poured out by our Heavenly Father when He sent Jesus as a sacrifice on the cross for our sins.
On May 14, 2020, the Enemy put a period at the end of the sentence in both Dalton’s life and mine. Thankfully, everything changed because of what happened next. God said to both of us, No way. You’re mine, as He drew a comma under Satan’s period forming a beautiful, hope-filled semicolon instead. A semicolon that signifies a continuation in life just like an author who chooses to proceed with his sentence rather than bringing it to a close.
God always chooses to continue our story if we’re part of His Kingdom. The setting may change, but the story will go on forever.
God wasn’t done with Dalton. He will never be done with any of His followers. My son will live with His Savior for eternity. And He isn’t done with me in my earthly body either. My story is to be continued if I am willing to partner with God and let Him transform my pain into something purposeful. If I curl up and let anger, hatred, and bitterness rule my heart, the Enemy wins. And if I quit seeking purpose on earth, then Dalton’s life and story get wasted causing me to suffer two tragedies rather than one.
If your tragedy is fresh and you don’t even know which way is up, take heart. It’s necessary to give yourself the space and grace to acknowledge the weight of your circumstances. You’re in the emotional ICU. Don’t expect to jump back to living life with purpose from your hospital bed. Healing doesn’t happen in poof. It happens through a process (also borrowed from Davey Blackburn). Many ingredients go into our healing: staying connected to God, clinging to the Promises of His Word, processing of emotions, love and support from family and friends, feeling understood, tears, lots of lament prayers, and time. Remember, a process happens over time.
If you’re a little further along and feel weary, you’re not alone. That’s right where I am on many days, as well. Fatigue and exhaustion are natural consequences of grieving day in and day out for months on end while still trying to live a full, productive life. This weariness also begs me to regularly envision the semicolon as I plead with God for help. Father, my story isn’t over on earth. You’ve made that clear. But I’m so depleted. I need your sustaining grace. Let me see glimpses of meaning in life again so I have reason to keep pushing forward. Remind me to focus on just today. Strengthen me so I can make it through the many tasks I have to accomplish.
Give yourself permission to feel the magnitude of the tragedy, loss, or hardship. Remember it’s a process that varies in length for every person. But, at the same time, hold on to Hope that God is still interested in using you, your story, and all of your pain for something meaningful. His timing will be perfect for each step of the way.
I need this visual as much as any of the rest of you. On days when the missingness crushes my heart. On days when the images of the trauma I faced sneak out of the box I filed them in so I can function on a daily basis. On days when I see in-tact families enjoying dinner together at a restaurant. On holidays when I have to count how many settings I will need at the table, minus one very important plate. They all rip at my heart. And when they do, I purposefully drag the semicolon front and center into view.
I need it. Over and over and over.
It points me to the One who already gained victory. To the One who has already written the end of the story.
Because of Jesus’ death on the cross, game over is impossible. Instead, To Be Continued scrolls across the screen, reminding us that this world is not the end. And when I get to Heaven, I want God to be pleased with how I used my time, talents, and treasures to grow His Kingdom. Not be disappointed that I folded up shop in my grief and wasted the rest of my days on earth.
God is trustworthy, faithful, and loving. He longs for us to trust that what’s above our heads is still under His feet. Give the One who created the universe, the most qualified being known to mankind, the final word in your story as you picture Him smiling while he joyfully draws a comma under that detestable end mark.
If you’re not a follower of Christ, it’s never too late to experience the semicolon that God’s hand draws with perfect intention. You can read more about how to do this in my blog post titled Rescued From His Worst Decision By His Best Decision.
