How Can This Be Good For Me?

Romans 8:28 is a tough verse to digest as a grieving mom. I’ve met others who feel the same.

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God, and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28 (NLT)

Lately, this verse has cropped up in books and conversations on numerous occasions. Its relentless nagging prompted me to dig deeper into what this verse means for my grieving heart. Rather than disregard it because there was no way it could be true in the midst of my storm, I decided to study it and reflect on how God wants me to apply it in my life, a practice I have found extremely valuable in my sorrow. 

Authors have written entire books focused solely on these twenty-seven words. I would never argue that the verse is undeserving of such significant study. People everywhere facing disappointments and challenges commonly find these words encouraging and uplifting.  Yet, these very same words can conversely tear at our hearts when life torpedoes us with circumstances we never could have imagined. Suddenly, this verse doesn’t feel quite so comforting.

One author who wrote about this topic stated, “In Christ, we have an ironclad, unfailing, all-encompassing, God-given guarantee that every single circumstance in life will turn out well sooner or later for those committed to Him.” 

Every single circumstance?  My son dying by suicide will turn out well for me sooner or later? Only if later is referring to my arrival in Heaven. 

Another author expressed, “I simply must trust that he is using all things for my good.” 

Trusting that God will use Dalton’s death for my good?  My finite human brain has no space for believing that his death could ever be for my good.

There is no denying that Romans 8:28 clearly affirms that God causes everything to work together which includes both the events of prosperity and the events of disaster.  All means all.  But the next phrase is where I do the most reflecting and searching. The verse goes on to say for the good of those who love Him.  Those who love Him includes mountains of people beyond myself.  There are an estimated 2.4 billion Christians around the world.   Therefore, all of the circumstances in my life-both the sweet and the bitter-are in God’s care to be used for the good of anyone who loves Christ.  Now that stirs my heart in a much different way.  

Davey Blackburn, founder of the Nothing Is Wasted ministry, shared in a podcast, “He (God) works them (all things) together to produce something great in us and through us for other people.

Genesis 50:20 says, “You (Satan) intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”

This verse proves that God intends to use all of my heartache and pain (along with the pain and suffering of millions of others) to accomplish His purposes and glorify His Kingdom.  I know that my fervent prayers will result in not a single ounce of my heartache going to waste.  

While the past three years have been full of torment, I would be remiss in failing to acknowledge that God is wholly sustaining me as I walk through ashes.  He lavishes blessing after blessing on me.  Blessings I am eternally thankful for.  God’s favor though extends beyond gifts of things he has done for me.  They also include gifts of Himself-comfort, strength, love, relationship, wisdom, direction, His Word, forgiveness, the Hope of Heaven.  God’s gifts are transforming my heart in unspeakable ways.  

Vaneetha Rendall Risner, author of The Scars That Have Shaped Me, wrote, “My life isn’t just about me.  It’s about God and his glory.”  In the beginning of my grief, it was impossible to wrap my brain around this principle.  I desperately wanted to go back in time and have Dalton here with me again.  That’s what my heart felt was good for me.  In my intense pain, all I could focus on was myself-my wounded heart and what would get me through each day. My longing to have Dalton here with me burns on even three years later. But because a large piece of me lives in Heaven, I am absolutely more Heaven-minded.  Over time, as I walk with God, understand more about His character, and experience His comfort, He reveals the immeasurable value of His presence and the Hope I receive because of Jesus. My heart is taking hold of the truth that God is bigger than my tragedy.  My fingers are loosening their grip on the things of this earthly life and clinging more tightly to the unseen glories of eternity.  

Since God is already holding what I want, He is gently helping me want what He wants.  

I don’t need or want to ever convince myself or be persuaded by others that Dalton’s death will turn out well for me sooner or later.  However, if it turns out well for someone else who comes to know Christ because of my obedience in sharing my story, then my heart will rejoice!.  Pointing others to the same Hope I have of eternity in a perfect place where death is no more gives me fuel to press on in this broken world.  By my estimates, my suffering would be severely wasted if it were for my good alone.  

When I read Romans 8:28 through a universal lens rather than one of self-absorption, it isn’t quite so hard to digest anymore. 

Some very well-known sufferers openly embrace their suffering as a gift from God.  I have to honestly admit that I do not.  I have even beat myself up over the fact that I don’t share this same sentiment. Maybe someday God will give me the grace to hold this perspective.  But since He hasn’t done that work in me yet, I know He understands.  He loves me right where I am and He loves you right where you are, too.

Heavenly Father,

I know you are a Promise Keeper.  You promise to use all things in this world for good and to never let any of it be wasted. Take what the Enemy intended for evil by removing Dalton’s Christian influence from this earth and somehow work it for good through me.  Not for my good.  But for the good of all those out there who desperately need you and the Hope you supply.  Use my heartache to save lives by drawing multitudes to you.  Let nothing stop you in glorifying your Kingdom with my anguish.  I don’t know how or when, God, but I trust you.  I still believe you are good even in the midst of my horrific pain.