Learning the Language of Lament: Putting It Into Practice

Learning the Language of Lament: What and Why focused on learning what this unique prayer language is and why we should incorporate it into our Christian lives. If you haven’t read the previous post, be sure to take a few minutes to go back and check it out. 

This article is purposed to describe the four major components of lament prayers and provide examples of each element. Each key element serves a specific purpose toward restoring hope in our broken souls and trust in our good, good Father. To achieve the full effect of lamenting, all ingredients must be considered.

TURN TO GOD

Taking our sorrow TO God makes two bold statements. One, we profess that God is the only One mighty enough to handle the weight of our suffering. Two, it affirms we trust God to be faithful in our impossible circumstances because He’s proven His faithfulness in the past. We wouldn’t turn to a friend, family member, or counselor for help if we didn’t have confidence in their ability. Our Sovereign God isn’t any different.

This portion allows us to avoid complaining to others ABOUT God by reorienting our grievances directly TO God. 

Sample language:

God, I need You. I know you don’t expect me to do this on my own.

I desperately need Your grace today.

Help me, God. This is impossible without you.

Father, here I am with a heart full of _______.

COMPLAIN/ASK QUESTIONS

Let’s be honest. Humans prefer comfort, ease, and an absence of pain. After all, we were originally created to exist in a perfect world (and for those who profess Jesus, we’ll enjoy a perfect world for eternity one day). But our bent towards perfection didn’t vanish with the birth of sin. So when hardships threaten our longing for comfort, we naturally have complaints, questions, and outright dissatisfaction at times. Permission to express our protest against our senseless circumstances is how we hold the tension between living in a broken world while still trying to trust a good, loving God who isn’t acting (based on our standards) like we expected.

God knows we can’t survive this tension without a way to process and release our despair. Our Rock is a strong foundation on which we are invited to humbly cast every tough question, complaint, and doubt that plagues us. 

Keep in mind, God offers no promise to answer our questions. In all honesty, no answer would ever make  sense to our finite human brains. But, in His lovingkindness, He helps us recognize that we aren’t strong enough to carry the answers that we think would rationalize our suffering. So, instead, we lay our lead weights at His feet. Not just once. But over and over and over, every time the wonderings fly overhead. The guaranteed response our Heavenly Father does provide is His presence, which we need far more than anything else.

Sample language:

How could you let this happen?

Why didn’t you intervene?

Where were You when this happened?

How  long will you leave me here?

This is so unfair! No parent should have to endure such pain!

ASK BOLDLY

In Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy, Mark Vroegop explains, “This next leg in our journey involves confidently calling on God to act in accordance with His character.” Our attention shifts from why we are suffering to who God is even as we walk through our deepest valley. We remind ourselves of what we know to be true about God even though our circumstances don’t line up with those truths. 

Our why questions don’t have to disappear before we begin making requests based on who God is. These two petitions can and do coexist.

When asking boldly, it’s essential that we pray from a promise God has already given us in His Word rather than for a promise we long for God to grant.. 

Let me be clear. There is nothing wrong with praying boldly for our own desires (Philippians 4:6). But if our prayers are narrowly focused strictly on our desired outcome, we must be prepared for possible rejection of the request. Sometimes, God responds with, “No.” Bold prayers that include God’s established Promises will never be declined. What God promises, He always delivers.(Hebrews 6:18-20).

Example prayer 

Lord, I boldly ask you to heal my loved one on this earth. But if his healing doesn’t happen as I want, I know you will give me strength to walk through that pain. Show me your goodness. Sustain me to endure the grief that will follow. Don’t ever let my suffering go to waste. Use these circumstances for your glory somehow even when I can’t see it.

Here is a very small sampling of Promises we can pray boldly for:

• Sustain me. (Isaiah 46:4)
• I know You love me. Help me feel that love today. (1 John 3:16)
• I’m weary. Give me strength. (Isaiah 41:10)
• Give me confidence in who You are. (Matthew 19:26)
• Let your love matter to me in this painful situation. (Romans 5:8)
• I’m hurting deeply. Comfort me. (Jeremiah 31:13)
• Walk beside me/carry me through this day. (Deuteronomy 3:16)
• I feel like I’m going to crumble. Hold me together with your perfect peace. (Isaiah 26:3)
• It’s hard to trust You right now. Help me keep trusting You. (Psalm 28:7)
• I’m so afraid of what will happen. Calm my fears and remind me you are in control. (Deuteronomy 31:8)
• Show me today how you are fighting for me. (Exodus 14:14)
• Reveal and remind me of your faithfulness to me in a tangible way. (Deuteronomy 7:9)
• Use every tear I’ve cried for Your purposes. Don’t waste a single ounce of my pain. (Genesis 50:20)

Sample language:

God, I feel so alone. Remind me that you are with me and will never leave me. 

Doubt is creeping in. I desperately need You to help me keep trusting even when there are no answers.

Make my heart love your purposes more than I love my reputation.

Lord, I’m weary. Strengthen me. Sustain me so I can walk through these difficult moments/this difficult season.

CHOOSE TO TRUST

Anyone who claims trusting God is simple hasn’t ever watched their entire life explode right before their eyes and fall to the ground as burning ashes. While it’s necessary to cling to the Lord in the midst of heartache, it’s definitely NOT easy.

Suffering has a way of bringing us to a distinct fork in the road. Will I choose to trust God or will I walk away and do life on my own? This decision can’t be taken lightly. And the Holy Spirit is available to help.

The holes in my faith were unveiled when God laid these questions out for me: Lisa, do you trust Me only when life goes your way? Or am I worthy to be trusted in all circumstances including the ones you never would have asked for? 

Vroegop explained it like this, “Authentic trust is believing what we know to be true even though the facts of suffering might question that belief.”

Thankfully, we don’t have to rely solely on our human strength, will, or desire in order to keep trusting Jesus. In situations of doubt, Dr. John Piper’s words greatly comfort me. “Keep trusting the One who keeps you trusting.” When holding faith in God feels impossible, my prayers tend to include: God, it’s hard to trust You right now. I want to, but I need Your help. Learning to lament isn’t just about processing honest complaints and questions with our Wonderful Counselor. It’s also the path that leads us to see just how much we can rest in His faithfulness. 

Omitting a key ingredient of the prayer would be like building a house with only three walls. The incomplete structure couldn’t serve its intended purpose. This principle applies to lament, as well. We turn, complain, and ask boldly. And then, whether we feel it or not, we make a declaration of faith in the One carrying us through the still smoldering ashes.

Sample language:

You’ve been faithful to help me through many other messy situations. So I’m going to keep my eyes on You. You’ve proven to me that You always keep your promises.

I choose to walk by faith today in your ability to ________ me. (strengthen, give me peace, sustain me)

My circumstances don’t make any sense. But trusting You does.

I will tell others the truth about how  you’re faithfully carrying me through this painful situation.

Thank you for never leaving me. You are bigger than any circumstance I will ever face.

Sample lament prayer

Father, God- I need You in my hopelessness today. My grief is crushing me. I miss Dalton beyond words and it feels like I can’t take another step. I don’t want this to be my reality. Life is tiresome.  I’m weary. I know you love me. You promise to sustain me. Breathe strength into me right here, right now. Piece me together because I’m crumbling. I trust You and know You will be faithful. You’ve never left me yet. Thank you for the Hope I have in Christ. This world is NOT the end! Make this Hope tangible in some way to me today.

Psalms of lament

Psalm 3, 4, 5, 7, 10, 13, 17, 22, 25, 26, 28, 31, 39, 42, 43, 54, 55, 56, 57, 59, 61, 64, 70, 71, 77, 86, 120, 141, 142

Closing thoughts

• Trusting God in suffering will require us to lament over and over and over. It will be a process that occurs through a determined choice to keep turning to God even when we don’t feel like it.  (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

• Lament isn’t just for those who are suffering. It’s important for ALL Christians to acquire skill with this language in order to intercede on behalf of loved ones or fellow believers walking through tragedy or overwhelming circumstances.

• Reminding ourselves of the Truths we know about God as we cry out in pain will tether us to the Hope we have in Christ. As Vroegop reminds us, “Hope springs from Truth rehearsed.”